In every life, some rain must fall. Madhumita Gupta has some tips on bringing back the sunshine.
There comes a time in everyone’s life when things vie with each other to prove Murphy’s Law true — everything that can go wrong does and the end of the dark tunnel seems nowhere in sight. It can range from failing in an interview, to getting ditched by your best friend, to being bested in love, to something as irreversible as losing one of your loved ones.
Life seems the pits and you feel as if you don’t have it in you to get out of it all. But you reckon without your built-in resilience — your innate ability to bounce back. However well hidden, your hidden shock absorber is within you — just give it time to get working.
Life hurts, but the balms are yours for the finding.
THE FIVE FUNDAMENTALS
* SHARE: Troubles are halved when shared. Be it with your friend, mother, hubby, someone you are really close to, tell it all without feeling that you may be making a fool of yourself. And then listen to what they say. It will help you to be objective and considerably lessen the crippling subjectivity.
* WORK: You may feel you simply can’t face another file, ledger, class — whatever it is you deal with. Admittedly, it needs a superhuman effort to perform the most mundane task — but the sheer feel of ‘routine’ will give you the stability you need when your world seems to be falling apart. There is no better anodyne than work.

“The wounded deer,” wrote poet Emily Dickinson, “leaps highest.” Grief will sometimes bring to the fore strengths which you never imagined you had.
* TIME: The greatest healer of all. Let it take its course and go with its flow. What seems unbearable today will pass sooner or later into the past. Forever. Just don’t go digging it up and opening old wounds. Nothing was ever achieved by wallowing in self pity.
* TAKE CHARGE: It may seem a steeply uphill task to take control when you’ve been through an emotional wringer, and you will be sorely tempted to just let things be. But, don’t forget, that situation won’t change until you do something about it. It is tough, very tough, but don’t underestimate your resilience.
* HAVE FAITH IN ‘HIM’: Remember Granny saying: “He sends these things to try us”? You might have thought it trite then; you may not believe it today, but give the idea a try anyhow — for your granny’s sake and yours. Try standing up to His trials. Granny too, must have gone through a lot in her time; how did she manage to stay so serene and calm? Perhaps her unshakeable faith in God was the key. If you can make yourself follow these suggestions, half the battle will be won.
THE DON’TS But guard against these pitfalls:
* Don’t battle with grief: Trying to put up a brave front is being like a pressure cooker with a bad safety valve — it can burst any time. A good cry may be just what the doctor ordered. You are a human being — conditioned to ‘feel’ things and emote accordingly; why try to be otherwise?
* Don’t brood: Dwelling on the past is absolutely no good. It’s over and done with, so there’s no use moaning, ‘If only!’. Concentrating on the present and future is a more profitable alternative.
* Don’t rationalise: Again something which takes up an enormous amount of time and thought and achieves zilch. What good is saying, ‘Maybe he did it because...’? A better option is to learn from your experience and empower yourself with that knowledge.
GET ON WITH IT! And now, some things which will definitely help lift your spirits:
* Think happy: Keep the joyful memories instead of the painful ones. It’s difficult, but doable.
* Pray: We’re not necessarily talking an elaborate puja ; just send up a small heartfelt prayer. You may actually feel divine benevolence touch you like a downy feather.
* Do something you really enjoy: But do it without feeling guilty. Rediscover all those things which gave you pleasure — now is the time you need them most.
* Get a change of scene: If your current surroundings depress you by bringing back memories, get away. Pronto! Even a day out will do something for those sagging spirits!
* Count the small blessings: Even if it looks like it at the moment, life isn’t just one damn thing after another! There are a million things that you can still be thankful for.
* Listen to someone else’s problem: One of the most poignant stories has this moral: ‘I thought I was unlucky that I didn’t have a shoe, till I met the man who didn’t have any legs’. You may think yourself to be the most unfortunate person on earth. But look around you — misery abounds. Join an NGO, do something for someone; your own troubles will seem more insignificant.

Take heart from these oft-quoted lines, which hide a wealth of wisdom, compassion and solace in them — “The darkest hour comes just before dawn”; “When winter is here, can spring be far behind?”
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