What place do friends of the opposite sex have when you’re in a committed relationship? Psychotherapist and relationships consultant Dr Vijay Nagaswami explores platonic relationships

IN the ‘70s, when I was a teenager, the appropriate thing for a girl to do if she was fond of but not particularly attracted to the boy who was trying to court her, was to tie a ‘rakhi’ on his wrist. From the man’s point of view, it was the most devastating thing ever to happen to him.

‘Raksha bandhan’ was the most feared day in a young man’s social calendar; I’ve known of boys staying home or going out of town to avoid any untoward incidents. But the girls were tenacious... Whenever the boy resurfaced was good enough to tie the dreaded ‘rakhi’...

The guys didn’t have a chance. They consoled themselves with stories of how they knew somebody who ended up marrying the girl anyway... There were also those who gave in gracefully, and went on to be just friends...

Today, the situation is different. Yesterday’s girl required the sanctuary of a pre-defined safe relationship — brother and sister — to engage in a socially acceptable but also personally comfortable equation with a man.

Contemporary urban women do not require this safety net. They just go ahead and have a non-sexual relationship with a man with whom they don’t share a physical chemistry, without feeling the need to defend either themselves or the relationship. And Plato’s name gets bounced about from lip to lip, just because he is rumoured to have had platonic relationships with several women...