JUST saw 'Hyderabad Blues 2'. And while the movie was hilarious, as the end credits rolled, I sat in shock trying to envisage which of these men my fiancé would turn into after we marry. It doesn't matter - they all seem to be lecherous, horny *&^%$#@ (will not say the word since my future in-laws may be reading this story)

Was this all that was on a married man's mind?

It was time to speak to my married girlfriends. As I asked around, a sort of Hitchhiker's Guide to The Very-Wedded Galaxy began to take shape. Here's what we came up with to better understand your future or even current husband. Some are endearing and some are just fodder for your manipulative talons (evil laugh).

Things That Secretly Make Him Tear Up

• Locking eyes with you during wedding ceremonies.

• Having your arm fall across his chest while you sleep.

• Watching Ross blotch his marriage proposal to Rachel.

• Little Ways He Just Told You He Loves You

• Spending three hours at malls holding all your shopping bags.

• Throwing an extra blanket on the bed, even though he's melting (what's with men and severely low air-conditioning?).

• Egg you to screw your diet and order dessert.

• Doing the dishes when the maid doesn't turn up.

• Presents He Really Wants

• His favourite picture of you (you know, the one you hate, in which you're a living example of a bad hair day) in a frame.

• A pair of silk boxers (men secretly love silk).

• Golf lessons (yes, he still needs more).

• CDs to replace those garbled mixed tapes from his college collection.

• Anything with a remote control.

• Anything that comes with a complex manual (that will be eventually tossed aside) and that takes three weekends to assemble.

• Presents He Really Doesn't Want

• An executive desk toy.

• 7 An electronic tie rack.

• A fancy-schmancy shaving kit (his favourite brand of disposable razors and whatever shaving cream that's on sale at the 'kirana' store is fine).

• A phone that looks like something else (eg Garfield, Odie, Snoopy, a burger... and anything else you might find in an American teenage girl's bedroom).

• A TV that's smaller than the one you have.

• Your Habits That Drive Him Crazy With Desire

• Putting on your lipstick before your shirt.

• Licking a spoonful of ice cream clean next to the open freezer.

• Ironing in your push-up bra (actually, doing anything in your push-up bra).

• Sitting on the couch in sweaty gym clothes while you tell him about the record time you just made on the treadmill.

• Rubbing lotion on the back of your calves.

• Bumming around in his old white T-shirt all of Sunday.

• Telling him you'll be home late because you're getting an aromatherapy massage.

• Holding your hair off your neck when you're hot.

• Checking out your derriere in a full-length mirror while standing on your tiptoes.

• Things He Says When He's Not Really Listening

• "Oh! I thought that was a rhetorical question."

• "Sorry, I was still thinking about what you said before."

• "Hmm (long pause while he appears thoughtful), what do you think about that?"

• "What's that? I got distracted by the beauty of your moving lips."

• Know His Body

• Sometimes making adjustments to the crotch area in public is a medical necessity.

• Every hair that falls out of his head requires at least a 30-minute mourning period.

• He has fat days too.

• Things He Won't Ever Understand About You

• You need seven pairs of shoes for a two-day vacation.

• You fix your hair to go to the post office.

• You'd rather spend Rs 6,000 on a handbag than on a new DVD player.

• You assume he's better with tools than you are.

• In The Back Of His Mind This Instant

• "If I work out, like, every single day, I could totally be a walk-on tryout for 'Baywatch'."

• "Out of everyone in my office, I definitely have the hottest wife."

• "I hope she rips off my clothes the second I walk in through the door."

• "Is light beer really so bad?"

• Things That Went Through His Head When You Told Him You Were Pregnant

• "I'm gonna pass out in the delivery room."

• "Yessss! I am going to be the greatest dad in the world!"

• "Wow! Cool! My sperm really works!"

• "I just hope the kid is healthy... and really, really good at cricket."

• Questions He Will Always Answer 'No' To:

• "Is my family totally nuts?"

• "Do you think I should get plastic surgery?"

• "Should I try on a different outfit before we leave?"

• "Are the worry lines around my eyes getting worse?"

• Things You Do That Totally Amaze Him

• You put pizza on a plate rather than eat it out of the box.

• You actually bathe on weekends.

• You 'effortlessly' defuse his crazy mother.

• You know when he needs one of your incredible neck rubs even before he does.

• You always manage to order the better dish when the two of you are dining out.

• You make his flu better with a kiss on his forehead.

• Questions He Cannot Answer For You (Sorry!)

• "Does this polish go with these shoes?"

• "Is ____ more fattening than ____?"

• "When will you grow up?"

• One Question He'll Always Answer 'Yes' To

• "Do you think we could do it here?"