father-son relationship

deepak chopra
how would you describe your relationship with your son?
ever since gotham was four years old, our relationship has been one of friends. i would ask him for his opinion even when he was a child. we share a very emotional bond through sports. when he was four, i taught him how to ski. by the age of five, gotham was beating me on the slopes. we also learnt scuba diving together, and he is a much better diver than i am. we go hang-gliding together and now, even play golf together. every year, for a week, we go on a sporty holiday; go diving or gliding during the day, have dinner, and talk a lot at night. this year we are going to take off to the desert, play golf and discuss his second book, which he is in the process of writing. gotham’s helped me with my music cd, and some of my other work. it’s a relationship between friends, one of equality, and it has always been that way.

do you see a lot of yourself in your son?
not really. he’s very much a person in his own right. he’s actually more mature than i am. less excitable than i am. in fact, he takes after his mother a lot.

do you think having a celebrity father, who’s so well-connected, had any effect on him?
i think it’s an advantage, and he’s taken it very well. it has opened a lot of doors for him. for example, he knows madonna and michael jackson. a lot of avenues have opened up for him which he’s not bashful about using, and i appreciate that. but he’s chosen to do his own thing. today, he’s more socially active than i am, and i’m proud of him.

what kind of a childhood did he have?
a great childhood! i taught him to meditate when he was a boy. i sent him to exclusive schools, and later to columbia university. even when he was young, i never advised him on anything. i let him do his own thing and learn.

so you weren’t the disciplinarian dad?
no. in our house ‘discipline’ is a dirty word. i think it strangles creativity, and i have never been a disciplinarian.

how different or similar is the relationship between you and gotham, as compared to the one you shared with your father?
my relationship with my father was similar. the only difference being that we never really played together, the way gotham and i do. but yes, we always discussed the important things in life with each other, and didn’t have any secrets. gotham also discusses everything with me, even girlfriends, and doesn’t keep anything secret from me. we talk about everything in life and we talk every day. wherever in the world i may be, he calls me up or leaves a message for me. alternatively, i call him up. we are always in touch.

sum up the relationship you share with your son in one word...
my son is my best friend!
gotham chopra
what kind of a relationship do you share with your father?
i think the most unique feature of my relationship with him is that we don’t really have assigned roles. he always told me that he and i are equals — that sometimes he’ll play the role of teacher and i the student, and sometimes we’ll reverse roles. i think we’re very close. we spend a lot of time together, once a year we take a week-long vacation and just hang out.

does his fame and being surrounded by well-known personalities seeking advice, affect you or your relationship?
it’s been a great experience for me to meet so many interesting people, the vast majority of whom are non-celebrities. but, the celebrities are fun and cool to hang out with occasionally, because when you see them up close and personal, you realise they are normal people too.

tell us about the years when you were growing up. the conflict of being an indian in a foreign country. and how your father helped you to cope...
i am 26 years old, born and raised in the us. i never had any conflict growing up, nor did i feel isolated because of my background. i was raised to be proud of my heritage (i also travelled to india almost every year), but i don’t have this tribal mentality where i have to flaunt my race and make others notice it.

in fact, the only time i felt uncomfortable about being indian, is when i went to college and there was so much pressure to join ‘south asian’ groups. there was a real sense of tribal identity that i was very unfamiliar and uncomfortable with. my parents had raised us to be proud of who we are, but look far beyond the colour or religion that we called our own.

how do you perceive a father-son relationship in today’s times? what kind of changes have you seen?
i think the relationship between parents and children is the most important one. today, real role models are required more than ever. and those role models should be people that you have intimate moments of interaction with, people that you can trust, love and have fun with. that is something i treasure with my father now more than ever.

any particular incidents/anecdotes that you would like to share with us?
several years ago, i joined my father on a trip to india, and we went to several holy cities by the ganges. we travelled by train from haridwar to rishikesh and finally to varanasi. on christmas eve, my father and i were at the ghats and spent some time there watching the ‘charnals’ work. it was dark and macabre, but to me, it stands out as an amazing moment that i was able to share with my father. we didn’t speak much, but i learned a lot from witnessing that process with him.

what kind of influence does your father have on you?
my parents are really my heroes. i have more fun with them than with anyone else, we laugh a lot and enjoy trying out new things. i think my father’s most admirable qualities are his fearlessness and curiosity, i try to emulate that.

did your mother have to play mediator at any point?
not really. i cannot really recall a time when i have had a big fight with my father. we tend to get along. i know it sounds kind of nauseating, but i love him and think he’s a pretty cool and funky guy.

he’s incredibly supportive of all the things i do. right now, i am working on a book which will be out this year called ‘familiar strangers’. i’m also working on a film to be made next year called ‘bulletproof monk’. i think his excitement and enthusiasm surpasses that for his own projects. it’s great.
in-laws relationship

satish gujral
what kind of a relationship do you share with your son-in-law? how has it developed over the years?
my relationship with naveen is based on mutual respect. ever since he met my daughter, he has shown an amazing adaptability in the field of creative design. to develop such an interest at a later stage in life, despite having none earlier, is quite exceptional.

more than anything, i’m happy that he’s in a creative field. creativity in itself is very soothing, and all my children have chosen a creative career. creativity helps you to see the significance of insignificance.

any common interests that you both share? any similarities in your nature that have helped you get closer?
one thing that has brought us closer is that naveen, like my daughter raseel, is also involved in creative work. this is helpful because when the fields of work are entirely different, there’s less to talk about. naveen does not come from a designing background. but after he met my daughter, he took to it like a fish to water. he has very polite manners, and it seems to me that he is not egotistic.

what was the equation between the two of you when you first met?
initially, my handicap (hearing problem) came in the way of our communication. it requires the other person to use a medium of communication that involves part gesture, part writing and part speech. i can’t read everyone’s lips. in fact, there are people who have known me for a lifetime, but they still cannot communicate with me. it’s to naveen’s credit that he learnt to communicate with me rather quickly, and it’s not just because of the language and culture that we share, but also the relationship, which is spontaneous.

as a father, did you ever have second thoughts on whether he was the right person for your daughter?
naveen ansal is my daughter’s choice, and i must say that i am not disappointed. my attitude towards all my children has always been that of a friend. naveen and raseel lived together in my house for almost three years before they got married; i was extremely supportive of their decision. my views are radical in this matter, and i didn’t mind that they were living together.

do you think that the relationship that you share borders on friendship? can you define it in any way?
it’s difficult for me to answer this question, as i have not thought about this before. i don’t think that our relationship is formal, if anything is formal then it’s not a relationship. to me, he’s the fourth child in the family. what has strengthened the bond between us is the birth of their child. children are like adhesive. they bring families together.
naveen ansal
what kind of a relationship do you share with your father-in-law? how has it developed over the years?
in the last eight to nine years of my marriage to raseel, the relationship between my father-in-law and me has developed tremendously. he lost his hearing when he was eight. initially, it was difficult for me because he couldn’t hear anything i said, and i did not know how to communicate with him. he would lip read or i would try to explain to him through gestures. today, even after the implant, he can’t hear completely, and has to decipher words by lip reading. slowly, i have learnt to communicate with him.

any common grounds that you both share? any similarities in your nature that have helped you get closer?
what helped was that we both are extremely spontaneous people, and we hit it off very well from the start. our attitudes and views are similar. we both come from a similar punjabi environment, use similar language. my father-in-law is very outspoken, something i admire.

what was the equation between the two of you when you first met?
it did take me a few years to open up. initially, our relationship was quite formal. our professional backgrounds are very different. he is an artist and i come from a land owning background. however, i have tremendous respect for his work, and have seen his art evolve in all the years that i’ve been married to raseel.

as a father, did he have any second thoughts on whether you were the right person for his daughter?
well, i think that like all fathers, initially, he may not have thought kindly of me, but today, he knows that i’m not going anywhere!

do you think that the relationship that you share borders on friendship?
as of now, i wouldn’t call our relationship a friendship. there are two reasons for it, and these reasons are related. we are still a little formal with each other since i took some time to learn to communicate with him. but we get along really well. i believe that we are getting there.