Does your child throw terrible tantrums at the drop of a hat? It just might be your fault, says Meenakshi Doctor.

Angelic faces and cute kiss curls can be unreliable. Just as your heart melts with the desire to kiss and cuddle that adorable child, she begins to scream, yell, throw defiant punches at you, and in some instances, even catty scratches... And then, you’re left wondering if this darling child is actually a gremlin!

With no surefire formula to bringing up children, parents today are being increasingly stretched to breaking point while trying to bring out the best in their kids.

PARENT PROBLEMS
Dr Anuradha Uberoi is a behavioural consultant who regularly runs workshops on parenting, and has several successful cases to her credit. She says, “I never blame the kids, however badly behaved they might appear to be.

These days, parents’ lifestyles can be very stressful. The problem arises when parents are very ambitious and want the best of everything in life, but, at the same time, expect their children to lead simple lives and have no demands. This is not possible, because children are sensitive to their immediate environment and almost always emulate their parents’ desires, aspirations and mannerisms.”

RE-DEFINING PRIORITIES
Psychotherapist and relationship consultant Dr Vijay Nagaswami is familiar with the complexities in a parent-child relationship. He believes that life for parents can never be the same after the birth of a child, and that some lifestyle changes need to be made if the infant is to grow up to be a ‘non-problem child’.

“I hesitate to use the word ‘blame’, for it is a harsh reflection of the contemporary dilemmas that parents are often subject to, even if these are self-imposed. Parenting has never been an easy task, and at no time has it been more challenging than in the present, given the extent of uncertainty and unpredictability that exists in our social environment.

“Each one of us should have a definite opinion on whether or when children are to be conceived. And when the child is born, a process of re-defining priorities is mandatory. The simple truth is that children need a lot of nurturing, love and time. And they need this from the parents — not grandparents, surrogate parents or hired help. If you’re prepared for this, making choices isn’t so difficult,’’ he says.

MY HELP NEEDS HELP!
So, if you still want the child but can’t make the lifestyle change, can a maid or ‘ayah’ fill in for you during the work hours?

Says single working mother, Rohini Shukla*, who leaves her child with a maid, “I believe that maids are basically a support mechanism. It’s when they end up spending as much, if not more, time with the child than the parents do, then their impact is going to be felt on the child’s growth and a lot of the child’s behaviour will depend on this person. If one is lucky, one might end up with a kind, affectionate and experienced maid, but this is increasingly rare these days.”

Adds Dr Nagaswami, “Today’s maids — however seemingly reliable they might be — certainly have the potential to have an adverse impact on the child’s growth. Emotional and sexual abuse by the domestic help is not exactly a rarity in our country. And less adversely, they could be guilty of negligence, inconsistent inputs and undermining parental disciplines.”

Leave Kids Alone