The Lakshman Rekha
But, where do you draw the line?
The view from Mars is telling. ‘‘Women get emotionally involved easily and that to me is crossing the line,’’ says Deepak*, a senior manager with Nestle India. ‘‘At least men flirt and sometimes even sleep around with no emotional involvement,’’ he laughs and ducks as his wife flings a pillow at him and then continues, ‘‘Any kind of emotional involvement can spell trouble for the marriage.’’

‘‘Of course not!’’ says Payal Sharma, a former employee of the Times Group, ‘‘I think most women think with their heads and not their hearts alone. Their heads are firmly in place because the heart belongs to the family so crossing the line — by which I mean infidelity or any kind of romantic physical involvement — is seldom an issue with women.’’

‘‘I am happy with my wife romanticising about celebrities like film heroes and cricketers; nobody in close proximity is welcome to inhabit her mind,’’ says Kawal, a businessman.

Veena Singh* says, ‘‘I would draw the line when he starts having more fun than I, which for me is... well, undefined. It really depends on the person. I would definitely not go so far as to cheat on my husband... unless of course, he cheats on me.’’ Amen!


IT WAS MORE IN MY MIND

‘’After being in love for several years, my husband (Rajiv*) and I got married to be able to spend more time together but ended up spending much less. I was a senior account executive with a leading advertising agency and he, a senior manager with a FMCG company. He worked late, so I began working late as well. He started travelling a lot and I began to get really lonely and depressed. I was romantic, he was practical and I interpreted that practicality as indifference.

‘’Meanwhile, a new charismatic account director, Kevin*, joined work a few months down the line (of my emotionally low phase). I had been married for a couple of years by then. One Monday morning, I was asked to join his team (on his request) and we began to work together.

I liked him and respected him until that one morning, when, before a presentation to an important multinational client, one of the office boys spilled a cup of coffee by mistake on one of the layouts. There was a stunned silence in the room; everyone was dreading the outburst that was bound to follow. On the contrary, Kevin quietly asked the trembling boy to leave the room with one remark, ‘You didn't do it on purpose, get a cloth to clean the mess.’

To the rest of us, he said, ‘We'll present this layout day after tomorrow, now let's refocus on the other stuff.’’ Everything he said after that was a blur; I heard nothing, I was just too bowled over by his unbelievable response. From that day, I knew I was smitten.

‘’I began to live to get noticed, appreciated and admired by Kevin. I came first to office, left last, dressed with care, worked like never before, and took every opportunity to get his attention. I was never sure about how he felt as he was never out of line and that made me respect him even more. My guilt made me a better wife on the surface of it, as I would call up my husband, reach home not dead tired but in high spirits and even cook at times. My husband, on the other hand, was as self-obsessed as ever.

‘’The turning point came when I was told that Kevin had separated officially from his wife. Suddenly, the man I was obsessed with was available.

‘’I hoped somewhere that he too, was really crazy about me but did not dare to check that out. I felt this was my only chance to find genuine love, companionship, compatibility and true happiness.

‘’I took a decision to not join my husband on a transfer to Kolkata on the grounds that my work would suffer. That decision put the nail in the coffin of our dead (to my mind) relationship. I was not prepared to go away and become miserable again. Without stating it explicitly, we had separated.

My closeness to Kevin was more in my mind than in reality and one day, I snapped out of my dreamlike existence when I told him that I may be getting divorced. What I'd imagined would be his response was very different from what I actually heard — a sermon on the sanctity of marriage. Barely a few months after their separation, Kevin had worked on reuniting with his wife; he advised me to do the same.

I resigned from work and went to join my husband in Kolkata, but having invested such little time and effort in our marriage, we had very little to keep us together except our pre-marital romance.

I was too heartbroken about Kevin, and one day just poured my heart out to Rajiv about my platonic yet obsessive attraction to Kevin. His initial reaction was one of shock and disbelief, then denial and anger... but within a few days, to my horror, he confessed to having had an affair while he was alone in Kolkata.

‘’Everything after that was really messy and we did finally get divorced last year. I am more at peace with myself today than I was when I was married, although given a chance I would like to relive my married life all over again and not make the mistakes we made...’’
Maaya Sahni*

"Those Five Days Heralded A New Phase"