For young married couples, this Valentine's Day could be the beginning of a new romance. Shilpi Kakkar-Madan has her pulse on the no-time-for-love scenario

You are Mommy to a six-month-old and you feel like a virgin. Your swollen breasts are like twin geysers, spouting the milk of human kindness during foreplay. And you can't remember when you last caught a late- night movie with your husband.

Your Problems Are Real
You want a tiger in bed. He wants Mata Hari. You both get neither. The spark fizzles. Face it; when you were dating, you could veil grooming habits easily because you were not waking up next to each other. Frets Mayank Malve, 33, ''Watching your wife pluck chin hair, massage hair moisturiser enriched with 83 vitamins into her scalp and stroke three creams on her face before sliding into bed is no turn-on. My patience is at the end of its tether by the time she turns in. I feel I've been waiting forever.''

Maybe you brush your pearlies 10 times each in the hope that he will be asleep when you get into bed. ''He has piled on eight kilos in the four years of our marriage," says 28-year-old fashion designer Vivian Gomes.I'd like my man meticulous and well turned out."

And what when sex takes a backseat? ''Making love always helps me reconnect with my husband. But after two years of marriage, we have yet to take a honeymoon, as his work schedules are chaotic,'' reveals Mann Patel, 23, fitness expert.

Parents of infants quit viewing themselves as beings with sexual needs. ''Where's the time?'' asks Mayuri Kumar, 24, mother ofa three-month-old baby. ''After eight hours of consistent suckling, my nipples just aren't ready to be tantalised... Hormonal upheavals and my expanding shape did not make me feel very sexy when I was pregnant. And once the baby arrived, we've had no time.'

'Feedings, erratic sleep, late night baby wails and constant fussing leave her exhausted. ''We honestly tried to pep up our moments of togetherness,'' reveals artist Ashish Gill, 35. ''But on more than one occasion, our two-year-old awakened and sat up in his cot, peering at us. It's just not happening.''

Even without children, double income often equals infrequent sex. Life changes slowly from fiery I-love-yous to comfortable cuddling. Complacency burrows into the thrill of surprise sex. ''We moved into a new house after marriage. In flowed bills and financial responsibilities. Since then 'recreational' activities have taken a backseat,'' says Shekhar, 29, bank executive.

Turn, Turn, Turn
Relax. Recognise the ageing romance syndrome and swing into action. Think back to the beginning of your relationship. Your courtship could have lasted years or merely days, depending on whether you had a love or arranged match. But you did connect. And you know that caring and sharing go a long way in making a relationship sparkle.

''You need to be on the same wavelength. And respect the mutual need for space - that is love,'' says Mann. Small efforts help keep the romance alive. Popping him a quick e-mail at work, sticking a love note on the bathroom mirror, sipping his coffee to make sure it tastes like he wants it and remembering to order a birthday cake go a long way in establishing intimacy. ''Sex is not the be all of our relationship. We try and ensure a night of fun every month,'' reveals Pooja Advani, 31, childcare expert.

And yes, agreed, round is a shape and body contours change with age. But mutual admiration and attraction oil the wheels of a relationship. So making an effort to keep fit must be a joint endeavour. Yet a perfect relationship is one when both partners recognise that no one is perfect. Love handles on your waist, pimples and burps are as real as vehicular traffic. And there is always time if you make time.

The truth is that most of us are frustrated at having to make adjustments on our work front and in our social calendar. The truth is that being a Mom is the most highly scoffed at and under rated position in this world. The rewards ahead are sweet but the pain is real. ''What do you do when your seven-year-old clambers into your bed in the middle of the night?'' asks Jyoti Mehta, 27, interior decorator. You put him back to sleep and get back to whatever you were doing.

Men say: A sweetheart is milk, a bride is butter and a wife is cheese.
Women retort: A boyfriend is like wine, a groom is like cocktails and a husband is like flat beer.

Make Love Continue To happen
• Stay committed to your relationship.
• Share everything, house- work included. This makes it easier to share the love.
• Good listeners make good lovers. Initiate tender discussions. Share your fantasies.
• The need to raise children and juggle work with domestic demands happens to almost everyone. Don't get crushed.
• Make time for together-ness. Join a gym or go for a quiet walk after dinner.
• Stop nagging. You will achieve nothing.
• An unexpected gift like flowers or even a card works wonders.
• Don't resign yourself to a sexless marriage. Reconnect to reclaim your dwindling sex life.
• Woo each other again. Make the effort to enchant your spouse.
• Do what it takes - intimate dinners, aphrodisiacs, aromatherapy, relaxing massages, sexy lingerie, feathers, porn...
• Plan in advance. Assume that your baby will cry at the nth moment. Try again. Organise productive routines to keep children occupied. Delegate duties.
• Balance work with a social life that you enjoy.
• Plan weekend getaways.
• Be demonstrative about your affections. A snug hug or an inviting pout can work wonders.
• Focus on your own body. Encourage him to do the same. You both need to feel happy about yourselves to discover sensuality.

The Reality
• The "seven-year itch" is real. Couples experience dissatisfaction in 7-year multiple cycles. A psychology professor from Wright State University, Dr Larry A Kurdek, in a survey of couples over the first decade of their marriages found that marital quality appeared to decrease twice: once rather steeply over the first four years and again after about seven.
• Most couples come for counselling six years or more after the dissatisfaction in their marriage has started.
• The newest large group of divorces is among couples who have been married 25 years or more