Femina gives you a list of things you can do for your man this Valentine's... for free!

ABANDON expensive gifts this year. After all, the best things in life are free. Love is free, like the air we breathe, the water we drink... Hey, get back here! Stop gagging. All right, we’ll tell it like it is.

It’s just that you’re broke and cannot afford a single thing on your list. Or even if you can, you’re thinking, why spend excessively when you can make him happy for free.

And you know you can be more creative than the 50,000 cards in stores with the small flowers and hearts on them. Here’s how:

Take an old tape and record your voice on it. Sing ‘your’ song. Do your best Cardigans imitation and sing ‘Lovefool’. Talk to him. Tell him what you are doing throughout the day. Tell him things you like about the relationship, things you love about him. Things that you’d like to do to him...

Cook a knockout dinner (if you can’t cook, look up an easy recipe and make it. Come on, you’re part of Generation W, you can do anything!). Pack it up in a picnic basket and take him to the beach. Spread out a mattress, sit together facing the ocean, snuggle together under the stars and drink to your future... If you can’t for some reason go to the beach, this works brilliantly on a terrace too with loads of candles.

Make a noise about your love. This one’s real fun. Gather your pals and serenade him! Show up below his house. Don’t make it mushy and DON’T embarrass him. Just have a lot of fun. Don’t worry if your vocal cords can’t differentiate between high and low notes (in fact it’s more fun that way) and generally have a whale of a time with the guitar and keyboard.

Give him a massage he’ll never forget. Wait at his house, or ask a friend if you can borrow their empty flat (if you don’t have access to home and all that). Pull out all the stops. Massage oils, candles, whatever gets him going.

Make a scrap book for him. No matter how ‘unmushy’ he is, he’ll love looking at it with you. Put in:
• Photographs of you guys together.
• Letters (if either of you has been romantic enough to write any).
• Movie stubs.
• Your childhood pictures.
• Funny anecdotes on your dates.
• Lyrics of your favourite songs.
• A few drops of your favourite perfume.
• Take a picture of the two of you and with the help of Photoshop, create an older image, (silver hair et al). Caption it: ‘20 years later and still going strong!’ (Caution: Do this ONLY if you’ve been going out for a long time and have discussed a future together. Otherwise, you’ll freak him and he’ll run for the hills.)

There. We’ve started you off. You fill in the rest...

Number Fun
So, any idea how much money people spend every single year on Valentine’s Day? Here are some stats:
• 130 million: Estimated number of roses sold for Valentine's Day in 2003.
• 24 lbs: Per capita consumption of candy by Americans in 2001; it is believed a large is consumed around Valentine's Day. Candy consumption has actually declined the last few years: four years earlier, each American ate more than 27 pounds a year.
• 29,303: Number of jewellery stores in the United States. Jewellery stores sell wedding, engagement and other rings and other baubles to lovers of all ages. Last February for Valentine’s, Day, these stores sold US $2.1 billion in merchandise. See? You’re much better off with our list now, aren’t you?

This was sent in by a guy:
“Give him a Lap Dance!” So women, you know what to do. If not, watch ‘True Lies’. Jamie Lee Curtis does a number on Arnie. Better yet, watch a porn film together. Your guy will get a real kick if you get him porn. And since we’re doing free things, don’t rent one. Ask your guy pals. If they say they don’t watch porn, they’re lying. Every guy has porn. Or knows someone who can provide it.