Weary of the bloke who refuses to take polite hints and leave you alone? Here are some dastardly dumpers to drive the boring dude out of your orbit forever. By Seema Chowdhry Sharma

We all make little mistakes from time to time while choosing our men, but a small slip-up is no reason to stick on in love hell. If your current man refuses to take the hint and scamper out of your life on his own, try some of these evil means to eliminate him from your hemisphere. We promise he will never look back.

Do The Disappearing Deed
This one is for those chicks who go for the classic routine. Just vanish from the face of the Earth. No sorry, no goodbyes, no lame excuses... all you need to do is switch off your cell phone, change your address and hang out with a whole new set of friends. If he can't reach you, he can't have you.

Spread A Rumour
Sure this is a nasty way to take leave of your once-upon-a time-'dahling' but it's better to kick ass than get bored silly. Spread malicious gossip (discreetly, of course) about his miniature-sized peewee (believe us it is unlikely that he would want to show proof that suggests otherwise). Then, tell him size is the one thing you cannot compromise on.

Send Him A "Dear John" E-mail
Be a mean Jane. Do the really lazy and cruel thing and type out a "Dear John" letter. Say it's not him but you, and double click the 'send' button. You could also leave an equally vague voicemail on his cell phone and become incommunicado thereafter.

Tell Him You're In Love With His Best Bud
Tell him you are completely and absolutely besotted with his closest friend. Of course, you are never going to act on your attraction, but you can't stand to be around anyone who reminds you of him. So bye-bye.

Get A Male Friend To Pose As His Gay Lover
This one is for a woman who loves some good old-fashioned drama.
Rope in a male pal of yours to play the role of his lifetime. Tell him to appear on one of your dates with 'Mr Dreary' as his once-upon-a-time honey. Instruct your pal to throw a huge scene and then leave abruptly (you don't want him beaten up, do you?). Once he makes his exit, your line is clear too... pick up your things and depart without a backward glance.

Lose His Canine
Offer to walk his pet pooch... and promptly lose the animal. Nope, we are not suggesting that you be cruel to the canine and leave him alone to fend for himself. Keep the pooch hidden at a friend's place for a few days and 'pretend' that you lost the dog. Once your lacklustre lad gets mad at you and decides to dump you, leave the animal on his doorstep, secretly.

Take A Vow Of Celibacy
Tell the dull dude that you have decided to dedicate your life to the good of mankind and intend to join the 'bramhakumaris' sect. Stick to white 'vastras', 'satvik' food and of course, carry a rosary around instead of your hip cell phone. Tell him if he truly loves you he should take the oath too. If he is a true hot-blooded male, he will head in the opposite direction when he sees you next.

Have A Herpes Attack
If none of the above magic mantras worked, you're in deep trouble, girl! This calls for real drastic measures and before you yell yikes, know that this is one sure shot way to be rid of Mr Stick-In-The-Mud. Claim to have a herpes attack, wave a med cert in his face and then proceed to be a clinging lass. After all, true love demands that he stays by you in your hour of medical distress. We assure you, he'll be booked on the first flight out of love land.