A father is never too busy for his children

No matter how busy, my father (Bimal Roy) was always there. We had the best childhood ever in a normal Bengali joint family. My father would convert location scouting trips into picnics or took us to the Aarey garden where we played while he discussed film scripts.

There is always some truth in old sayings

It is said that every person who is a good guest will not necessarily make a good son-in-law. Basu was a protégé of my father. He was particularly close to my mother and had access to our home. He would read poetry to Ma. But when you are 17, you are swept off your feet by romantic ideas - as I was.

A woman does look for her father in her husband

In the sense of the security, support, as well as the protection that a father provides her; yes, that is what one seeks in a husband.

A man cannot have a wife who is superior to him

According to the 'shastras', there are eight forms of marriage. The gandharva, or love marriage, requires that the two partners be equals at the very least. Tilting the balance won't work.

A man who has not seen women assert themselves, treats women with contempt

Our (mine and Basu's) backgrounds were too different. Ours was a home in which almost every child of our generation was a girl. And we weren't neglected or accorded a lower status. In his family, his mother walked barefoot even on roads.

When you are drunk with power, you target the people closest to you

The sudden success and acclaim went to his head, even though he was admittedly a man of great vision. I am reminded of what Flavia Agnes said in a documentary - that violence is not in the control of the woman. Everything in society contributes to it.

A marriage needs both, love and friendship

Any relationship between two adults involves conflict. The trick is to turn it into friendship. A marriage in particular, needs an underlying friendship to sustain it after the love has faded. It is difficult to survive on love alone.

A man beats his wife because there is no fear of retaliation

A woman manages to convince herself that she needs to improve, change, handle things better, handle him better, or that this is just a phase. It's hard to even accept that the problem is not with you, but with him.

There is a rationality within an arranged marriage

You haven't exhausted knowing each other before you get married. Hence, the marriage becomes an exploration of one's own and each other's identity. In a love marriage, you begin when the relationship has peaked.

Domestic violence can happen in any marriage

It can happen no matter how sound, how apparently well-oiled and smooth, how educated or cultured the partners may seem to be. If there was no domestic violence, who is buying my book ('Behind Closed Doors')? A woman told me she was going to buy this book for her teenage daughter, as a guide to what can happen. I thought that was sensible.

Women don't stay in a marriage 'for the children'. Most women who leave, leave for the children

I left when the violence began to affect my children. My daughter came home one day from school and told me, "Mama, I thought I would come home to find you dead - lying in a pool of blood." Why should you allow your children to live with such horror?

No one believes you when you say your husband is a wife beater

Doors slam shut in your face, and you realise who your friends are. My family shunned me, because I was leaving a wealthy and successful husband.

Not India Shining. Women Shining

At least there is awareness. At least people don't ask stupid questions like, "Does this really happen?" any more. At least people are obviously reading about it and studying about it. My life is a textbook case study in a TISS manual. My life has not been wasted.