MY MAMA TOLD ME NOT TO Says Sumita, “I would confide to a stranger only if the person is a ‘she.’ I’m always a little wary talking to a ‘he,’ if he isn’t a friend.” Does it have anything to do with age and the kind of problems one wants to share?
For 17-year-old Nandita Roy, confiding in a stranger is like ‘way out, man.’ “My God, never! I wouldn’t dream of confiding in a stranger. I have a sister whom I’m very close to, besides close friends. Strangers, after all, are strangers. God knows what they are, or who they are. It’s a huge risk. They could even use this against you at some stage.
It’s possible.” Sumita seconds the opinion, adding, “I would like the stranger to remain a stranger, after the confession is done. I wouldn’t like to hob-nob with her, for the fear that I might dislike her and hate myself for confiding in her.”
BUT LOOSEN UP, TALK While this may be a typical reaction, medical professionals seem to agree that it’s easier to let the mask drop in front of strangers, because there is no shared history and no future commitment. So, when you open up, there is no anxiety, only relief. It’s like ‘I could be anybody’ - there is complete anonymity.
“In core relationships, be it personal or professional, we have a sense of restraint. We are aware that the relationship is for two years, or may be, 20 years. Sometimes, we may even put up a mask,” says psychotherapist Kalyani Kapoor.
STRANGER FROM MARS So, do men confide in strangers as well? This is what designer Subhendu Sen had to say, “Why would I want to confide in a stranger? I don’t think I can discuss anything with a stranger. Well, not unless I’m drunk. Or,I’m travelling with a BMC guy and there are some issues I want to discuss.”
With that we say amen. Now, we know why women need to confide only in perfect strangers.