OLDER AND SEXUALLY WISER
My dipstick survey however, suggests that younger men are not so traumatised. In fact, they are usually more interested. For them, this seriously mature woman now spells smouldering (and often unrequited) passion, experience and confidence. The new urban legend, as these boys whisper it, is ‘these girls know what they want, they don’t like wasting time, and they take care of you.’

The emerging young Indian male (YIM) is actually in a blue funk about the Hotties in their 20s. With that lot, the young male often has to contend with an obsessively narcissistic creature that’s constantly craving attention and chronically seeking amusement. So, it comes as a relief when the YIM encounters a lady who shows them what a waste of time the process of wooing is, and cuts to the chase.

And trust me, when you have raging hormones in your boxer shorts, men would rather not woo a woman who wants to wait till marriage, take things slow, and screams for undivided attention. A fabulously maintained and experienced woman of today seems to be the answer to every young stud’s wet dream. As one of them puts it, the 30s babe is elastic (no, not quite what you are thinking), erotic, and exotic.

I AM TOO SEXY FOR...
But, what really counts now, is that it’s the older and seriously successful male who is rediscovering the in-your-face sexiness of the new professional woman. For these powerful, and usually much older men, the qualities the boys found sexy are combined with this woman’s practised professional style. For, here’s a woman who is not at home babying, is well past traineeship and is striding her way to take a crack at the glass ceiling. These women command a new respect. And it’s dangerously attractive.

MAAMMMA MIA!
The new nubile woman is probably confined, for the moment, to just some parts of post-modern urban India. Elsewhere, until recently, the 30s woman was dead. At least as far as Indian men were concerned. Because, either they were married to them (in which case, they didn’t count as women, silly) or the ones they were not married to were mostly Mummyjis either constantly lactating and therefore off-limits, or herding someone else’s snotty kids.

Indeed, for most Indian males, in faraway Meerut or Miramar, mothering is still the only appropriate mantra for every female 30-year-old. Indian men consider this breed to be sexually off-limits at most times, except if you are the odd philandering and perverted brother-in-law.

All that has changed. Today women are barely into their teens before they begin to ovulate and sprout exciting body parts. Overnight, they transform themselves to look 20, so they can hit the bars solo and tease the boys hollow.

As if this was not tough enough, these girls can then grab a look that they manage to hang onto till the day they choose to turn 50. So what’s a man to do? You can no longer figure out either when they got there or even when they’ve left those parts. For some cash, and just the teensiest bit of effort, they quickly win back their lost 20s looks.

So, for the new Indian woman, her 30s are just an extended high-maintenance 20s.

WHAT CLOCK?
Going beyond the mere body (aw, do we really need to?) to more conventional procreative sex, the Indian male is now feeling rather bludgeoned by the discovery that for most of the 30s tribe that he encounters, the old concept of the reproductive clock ticking away simply no longer ticks. Science has squashed that damn clock. If it’s just a baby she wants, she can simply go out and get one.

The friendly neighbourhood IVF clinic, and modified Indian adoption laws, have opened up many avenues for the single woman. And suddenly, all men are left with, is this empty feeling of being largely extraneous.

All this can be terribly emasculating. Partially because most men can no longer figure ‘her’ out. And specially because the male who cannot, is no longer relevant. What’s worse is for the male to discover that by now, this smart woman is probably earning more than he is. Which leaves us, poor males, with two real choices. Either treat them like they are for real or opt for a less testosterone-driven lifestyle (which may include going the gay way). No but’s then, that don’t matter, because it’s only the 30s that do.

Science has squashed that damn reproductive clock. If it’s just a baby she wants, she can simply go out and get one

Photograph: Ram Bherwani
Model: Perizad Zorabian
Make-Up: Ajay Shelar Hair: Gohar
Photographs: Rafique Sayed
Models: Maoushmi, Diandra Soares And Tarun
Make-Up & Hair: Subash Vagal
Clothes Courtesy Krishna Mehta
Background Photograph: Zenobia Bharucha