By Sindoori Revola
Fighting over money? Apply the brakes now, advises Sindoori Revola
Money. Some women have lots of it, so they splurge on luxuries. Some women have little of it, so they scrimp on everything, including groceries, so that they can save more.
But all of them will tell you that money is often the main reason for picking fights with their husbands.
CAN MONEY BUY LOVE? What’s the basis of a happy marriage? Romance? Compatibility? True love? It certainly isn’t money, right?
Most women would agree that money isn’t what makes a good marriage, but it’s certainly a big factor in making a bad one. Money can make a relationship go bankrupt. And it isn’t just lack of money that causes problems. Believe it or not, your attitude to money is more important than how much you have. It may not be romantic, but when a marriage is turning sour because of financial problems, it’s time to start some straight talk about money.
For most people, this is the last great taboo subject. “We never talked about money before we got married,” says Priya Malkani, a graphic designer who has been married for a year. “We certainly didn’t talk about who would pay the bills, or anything like that. It just didn’t seem important to talk about it. It never even crossed my mind.”
The myth of romantic love tells us we will meet someone, get married and live happily ever after. There’s nothing in the fairy stories to tell us how to discuss our finances, or even that we need to. But your partner’s attitude to money is probably one of the most important things you need to know about him.
DO YOU MIND YOUR MONEY? Everyone has a unique attitude to money. Some people love it for what it can buy them. Others see it as a source of security. Some people fear they will never have enough and others would hate to be rich.
Your attitude to money depends on many things: How you were brought up, how much money you are used to having, whether you work hard for your money or are paid for what you love to do. There are no right or wrong attitudes to money — each is valid in its own way.
After they got married, Priya found that she and her husband had very different attitudes to money. “He’s a spender and I’m a saver,” Priya explains. “It’s very frustrating and we get into fights when he exhausts his money and borrows from me at the end of the month.”
Most couples discuss their goals and dreams in life together, but they don’t talk about their financial attitudes. They talk about where they would like to live, the sort of career they want, or how many children they will have - but not about money.
Knowing your husband’s attitude to money is the key to avoiding disputes. A good question to ask him is: “What would you do if you won the lottery?” Would he spend the lot? Would he put all of it into secure investments and live off the interest? Would he spend some and save some? And how different is his answer from the one you would have given?
Okay, so you’re not likely to win the lottery. But once you are armed with knowledge about your husband’s financial personality, you are better equipped for all those day-to-day money issues that marriage is fraught with. And if your husband’s financial style is very different from your own, don’t despair. That isn’t to say the relationship is doomed. Far from it; knowing how the two of you view money and why, will help you make the compromises necessary to stop fighting about it.
Apply The Brakes : Set Goals