Does your mom drive you mad?
Here, from international experts, how to improve your relationship with your
mother...
NAVIGATING your way through an adult relationship with your
mother is tricky because most of us have maternal issues more complicated than a
spider's web. But whether your mom is hard to please or more needy than your
kids (or man!), here's how to create a happier, healthier
bond:
When Your Mom Is
Over-Critical...
"My mom finds my clothes too dull; and the orange
and yellow on my walls too gaudy!" says Malini Rajendran, a 29-year-old
journalist and a veteran of many arguments. "She doesn't like any of my friends,
and she's very resentful of the fact that I think them more important than
extended family. She says I'm too choosy about my food, and contradictorily,
don't know how to appreciate good food."
Having a critical mother,
as Malini has discovered, is not only distressing, but can end up permanently
damaging a mother-daughter relationship. "This is unsurprising if the only
communication you have is a constant flow of criticism and rebuttal," says
counsellor Leah Harvey. "Eventually, there's no talking - just two people stuck
in opposite corners."
Make It Better: Maternal criticism often occurs
when mothers have trouble seeing their daughters as individuals who make
different life choices. The key to dealing with this is never to assume that
she's right and you're wrong, says life coach Steve Errey. To avoid feeling hurt
by her feedback, Steve suggests setting clear boundaries. Explain that her
criticism can be hurtful. "Lots of us feel that we don't have the right to do
this, but our mothers can take it. Sometimes, they simply need to know exactly
how far they can go and why."
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